By: D’Anne Witkowski*/Special to TRT—
After years of arguing that being gay is not a choice and that gay people can’t magically become straight via a wish and a prayer, I now have to admit that I was wrong. On Feb. 1, 2015 I found the strength and will to finally become a heterosexual woman.
It happened while I was watching Katy Perry’s Super Bowl halftime performance. Perry riding a giant Trojan tiger through a massive lighted labia and then singing “I Kissed a Girl” with a lesbian named Lenny Kravitz made a very compelling argument for lesbianism. As Perry crooned, “I kissed a girl and I liked it,” I turned straight just so I could turn gay again.
And no doubt I was not the only one if Linda Harvey, author of Maybe He’s Not Gay: Another View on Homosexuality, is to be believed.
“[This] song demonstrates where sexual license eventually takes a willing culture, and heterosexuals who experiment with—and like—homosexual behavior is one natural progression,” Harvey argues in a Feb. 5 BarbWire column. “Katy did us a favor, actually, by illustrating that yes, indeed, people who don’t claim to be ‘born that way’ will be experimenting and some will stick with the new preferences they develop.”
Yes, it is a known fact that heterosexuals get try-curious whenever they are reminded that homosexuality exists. One day a dude who digs chicks finds himself in a supermarket checkout staring at Elton John and David Furnish holding their baby boy on the cover of Us Weekly, and before you know it he’s cramming dicks in his previously heterosexual mouth and never think about vaginas the same way again. It’s a cautionary tale. [pullquote]No homosexual has ever “experimented” by kissing or sexing or even marrying a person of the opposite sex. Nope. Not allowed. Section II Article VI of the Homosexual Agenda (a.k.a. “Satan’s Mouthpiece”) forbids it because such experimenting would lead gays and lesbians to be “cured” and would never be seen as a desperate attempt to be straight in a society that discourages gays and lesbians from ever finding real love.[/pullquote]
Curse Katy Perry for giving away key parts of the Homosexual Agenda!
And, of course, there’s a double standard in pop music when it comes to songs about kissing.
“There would be a predictable reaction if a well-known homosexual woman crooned that she had ‘kissed a boy and liked it’ and she ‘hopes her girlfriend don’t mind it,’” Harvey laments. “If such a song even saw the light of day, it would be instantly labeled bigotry, hate and right-wing extremism. After all, one is never allowed to experiment in that direction. Satan and his mouthpieces will make sure such a notion never gains traction.”
Too true. No homosexual has ever “experimented” by kissing or sexing or even marrying a person of the opposite sex. Nope. Not allowed. Section II Article VI of the Homosexual Agenda (a.k.a. “Satan’s Mouthpiece”) forbids it because such experimenting would lead gays and lesbians to be “cured” and would never be seen as a desperate attempt to be straight in a society that discourages gays and lesbians from ever finding real love.
Oh, Harvey also believes that Perry is possessed by Satan.
“Dark Horse is not about love or even a hot hook-up. It seems to be invitation to demonic possession,” Harvey claims. “Many will recall her Grammy performance from 2014 where she pole-danced on a witch’s broom … with lyrics selling sex and ‘magic’ from which there will be ‘no going back.’”
Something tells me that where Harvey comes from, Satan wears Cherry ChapStick.
*D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world she reviews rock and roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister and teaches writing at the University of Michigan.