Transgender Parent Books for Young Children

By: Elizabeth Rowell, Special to TRT—

Picture books about many different kinds of families are readily available for young children including families with a mom and a dad, one parent, two moms and two dads, as well as a few with parents who have disabilities or illnesses. Young children enjoy and feel validated when they are read books that feature their families. Unfortunately, for many years the only book published in the United States for a transgender parent to share with a young child was the groundbreaking Carly, She’s Still My Daddy (Boenke 2004).  However, in the last four years three additional picture books have been made available in the United States so that there are now two about transgender moms and two about transgender dads to select from to read as well as to discuss with young children eight and under. The authors include a transitioned parent, a mother, a wife and mother in-law, and a separated spouse.  Two books are from Australia and have a few different words that will add to the listening to and sharing experience.  Unfortunately, the newest book about a transgender mom, My Dad Wears Pirate Shoes (Hall 2012), conveys the view that being transgender is a choice and is not recommended for sharing with a young child unless it has been carefully previewed first.

Two  of the books  that are recommended, Carly, She’s Still My Daddy (Boenke 2004)   and My Mommy Is A Boy  (Martinez 2008)  are told through young children’s eyes and include details about their parents’ gender transition  in ways that can be understood by youngsters,  sometimes with a little help. These parents explained prior to their transitions that they had often been sad, unhappy or grumpy because they always felt inside like the opposite gender.  The different reactions of other people and the impact on families are mentioned. At the conclusion of these two books, both families were still together. The children discussed how their parents were happier now and that they also felt happy and loved.  The Little Boy (Kelly & Webster 2008) is written about him and what he was probably thinking when he was a little girl and that no one understood when she tried to tell them that she was really a boy. He transitioned as an adult prior to marriage.  These books could be especially helpful for young children who have transgender parents and can help them realize that other youngsters do as well.  It is best to read them to and discuss with an individual child or to a sibling group. However, each book should be reviewed prior to sharing to ensure that this is a book that would be appropriate at this time.

Transgender Mom Books

Carly: She’s Still My Daddy (2004) by Mary Boenke, TNET (The Transgender Network of PFLAG).

This inexpensive publication produced on a copier in black-and-white with a blue cover and simple but effective illustrations was the first book for a young child that deals with a parent who is transitioning. It focuses on young Tommy’s reactions to his dad’s transition to Carly and can help a child understand more about this process. His Dad goes to a counselor and a support group, takes special pills, has electrolysis, goes away for awhile to have an operation, and gets voice lessons. He even takes Tommy with him to a support group where he meets a man who explains that he is intersexed and another who says that he is a crossdresser once in a while. They even went fishing with a female-to-male transgender friend of his Dad. Words that might be difficult are highlighted so that the adult reading the book to a child can explain them if necessary.  The author who has a transgender child has been very active in PFLAG where the book can be purchased on line for $2.00 which includes postage from pflagtnet@triad.rr.com. (Ages 4-8)

My Dad Wears Pirate Shoes (2012) by Gae Hall CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform.

This book told in rhyme with a clever cover and colorful illustrations was inspired by the author’s eight year old son who discovers a pair of black shiny high-heeled patent leather shoes with polished gold buckles that are his Dad’s size hidden in his parents’ closet. Dad eventually starts wearing more girls’ clothes, a wig, and makeup at home and then elsewhere. The two young boys struggle to understand why their father does not wish to dress as a man, eventually changes his first name, has an operation,

and now lives as a woman. The young narrator talks about his Dad’s strange choices and that when he grows up he will be a man because his body makes it clear that that’s, the way God made boys to be, top, bottom, front and rear (p.12).  However, the son says that although Dad looks like a girl and has a brand new name, he’s still my Dad and he will always be. The father calls the children frequently and visits on weekends but the boys are still very confused. Many of the colorful illustrations do not show Dad in a good light.

After learning of her minister husband’s crossdressing, the author, who is also a minister, author, and speaker, returned to Australia with the two boys.  She researched transgenderism from a Biblical standpoint and is now the Director of Expose Ministries whose aim is to equip Christian women to stand against transgenderism in their marriage and their homes. She is also writing a book, He Will Never Be She.

My Dad Wears Pirate Shoes should be carefully studied prior to sharing with children because of the views expressed. While reading this book, you also wonder if Dad gave more help and input to his sons. Some children and family members do have difficulties understanding and accepting a transgender parent and perhaps, if used carefully this book might be helpful to read and discuss with them. (Recommended only after previewing for ages 6-8+)

Transgender Dad Books

My Mommy Is A Boy (2008) by Jason Martinez, Self Published.

This paperback book dedicated to the author’s four year old daughter was written to help her understand his transition and show her how much he loves her.  It focuses on four year old Amaya’s story of why her female-to-male transgendered mommy looks like a boy. She explains her mommy’s gender transition process that consists primarily of having shots so that her body matches her heart, her voice deepens, and muscles grow bigger in simple terms easy for a child to understand. The message is simply, that, no matter what her mommy looks like on the outside, she is still the same person and they love each other.  It is brightly illustrated with childlike drawings. (Ages 3-8)

The Little Boy (2008) by E. Kelly & E.  Webster , FTM Australia.

This child tried to explain that she was really a boy but nobody understood.  When she grew up, she read about trangenderism, and went to a special doctor who confirmed that she actually was a boy. He transitioned as an adult, is married, and has children. This book was written by his wife and mother-in law, an ex primary school teacher, for their children/grandchildren as a tool to help explain their father’s history.  It consists primarily of photographs of the little girl until she was about eight and the final pictures show him at his wedding as well as playing with two children.   The text is very appropriate for young children to listen to and enter in with some of the repetitive phrases. This is the only book currently available where the adult transitions prior to becoming a parent. It is available at Lulu.com to purchase and from http://www.ftmaustralia.org to freely download. All proceeds go to FTM Australia.  (Ages 3-8+)

These books should be available for parents and educators in all libraries. Unfortunately, they are all paperbacks and rarely found in public libraries, even those that do include soft covered books.  However, try making requests for specific books for your public or school library to order.  Be prepared to make this request several times and suggest that others do as well.  Each time a request is made might make an impact! Lambda Legal has suggestions on how to get and keep books in libraries.  Perhaps a group could be formed to create a lending library.  As many are self published, often in limited quantities, it is best to get them while they are still obtainable at reasonable prices. All of these books can currently be purchased on the Internet from bookstores including Alibris, Amazon, and Lulu.com.