By: D’Anne Witkowski*/Special for TRT–
Poor Chick-fil-A. The company’s president, Dan Cathy, makes a few disparaging remarks about how marriage equality is basically the same thing as punching God in the nuts and then the Muppets break up with the fast food chain and hell breaks loose.
Actually, Cathy has a long anti-gay history and Chick-fil-A has given millions of dollars to rabidly anti-gay groups like Exodus International and the Marriage & Family Foundation, a Virginia anti-gay group.
Therefore, the company’s stance isn’t exactly news. But you’d never guess from the uproar. Granted, there are legitimate concerns about a corporation so proudly flying the gay-hating flag. I need not point out that if Cathy were shouting from the rooftops about interracial marriage he’d have a lot fewer defenders. But everybody who is all of a sudden screaming that eating a Chik-fil-A sandwich is basically the same thing as aborting a gay baby needs to get a grip.
As for Chick-fil-A’s fans, there’s nothing at Chick-fil-A anyone should be putting in their mouths. So everyone rushing to the restaurant’s defense by stuffing their faces with garbage is really only punishing themselves. And the chickens. Especially the chickens.
Mike Huckabee has even declared Aug. 1 Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day in order to fight against the liberals who’ve declared they’re going to buy their lifespan shortening meals somewhere else now.
And no one seems more enthusiastic about this Aug. 1 “demonstration” than the American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer.
During a recent radio address Fischer complained that gays were “trying to present themselves as these innocent little victims.” In reality, he says, “They are bullies. They are intolerant, they are vicious, they are mean, and they are after people of faith.”
Oh how I love the big-gay-meanies-are-attacking-us argument from the religious right. Especially when the so-called bullies are picking on a multi-billion dollar corporation. As if a corporate entity’s political views should not impact the bottom line. And remember, in this case it’s not just that Cathy has a big mouth, but he also has a big wallet. A lot of chickens have been sacrificed in order to fund the anti-gay agenda.
Fischer continued, “(Gays) have no tolerance for those who support the institution of the natural family. None, zip, zero. They have no room in their so-called ‘diversity world’ for people who believe in natural marriage.”
That’s right. The gays just want everyone to get gay-married and have a gay ol’ time. Anyone who wants one of those icky one-penis-one-vagina marriages can stuff it. No pun intended, obviously.
Fischer then sounds the alarm: “(T)he bullies at Big Gay are coming after Chick-fil-A. They’re trying to take them out, they’re trying to obliterate them, they’re trying to go Ahmadinejad on Chick-fil-A, they want them wiped off the face of the map.”
Get it? Like how Iran wants to wipe Israel off the map? Super appropriate analogy.
Look, even if every LGBT rights supporter stopped eating at Chick-fil-A the company is hardly going to wither and die. And I can assure you, there are plenty of people who abhor the company’s policies but can’t live without their Spicy Chicken Sandwich (note to those people regarding life: you’re doing it wrong).
Still, Fischer’s Chick-fil-A rescue fantasy is something to behold. “Let’s make it our goal to buy out every chicken sandwich that Chick-fil-A makes on August 1,” he said. “Let’s send them out behind the restaurant with an ax to cut the heads off of more chickens to feed people because they’re selling so many chicken sandwiches.”
Firstly, what did those poor chickens ever do? Secondly, yes, please let this be exactly how the day goes. My guess is that slaughtering chickens out back by the dumpsters would mean some pretty serious health and safety violations and shut more restaurants down than protesters ever could.
*D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world she reviews rock ‘n’ roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister.