By: D’Anne Witkowski*/Special for TRT–
Hey, did you know that Florida’s Lieutenant Governor Jennifer Carroll does stand-up comedy? Here’s a snippet from her act:
Q: How many black lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I don’t know, but no doubt they’ll all be ugly bulldaggers.
I know you’re probably thinking, “That is a terrible joke. This woman is not funny at all.” And you’d be right. The only person laughing seems to be Carroll herself. Though, really, she’s more of a giggler.
Sexting with another female employee
Carroll, a Republican, has been accused by a former aide of sexing up a member of her staff, specifically her travel aide, Beatriz Ramos (and if you can’t tell from the name, Beatriz is a lady). The accusing ex-aide, Carletha Cole, claims that she found Carroll and Ramos in a compromising position (aka sexting IRL) in Carroll’s office.
Carroll denies such a thing ever happened and is casting Cole in the role of disgruntled fired employee.
Her excuse: She has a family so she is straight
As she told WTSP Channel 10 News in Tampa Bay, “The problem is that when you have these accusations that come out it’s not just one person that you’re attacking. It’s an entire family. My husband doesn’t want to hear that. He knows the type of woman I am. And my kids know what type of woman I am.”
In other words, I have a husband and kids so I’m obviously straight. Because everyone knows that it’s impossible to be both gay and married to an opposite sex partner. Just ask Larry Craig.
Carroll is right about one thing, though. These accusations do impact her husband and kids and no doubt hearing rumors about Carroll is unpleasant for them. It’s got to be hard to have your wife or mother accused of living a lie. This no doubt will be even harder if the accusations turn out to be factual. And it’s important to remember that right now we just don’t know.
Carroll’s assertion that her kids and husband know “the type of woman I am” is troubling in light of what she says next.
The accuser is single and she’s not ugly enough to be gay, Carroll refutes
“I’m the one that’s married for 29 years. The accuser is the one that’s single. For a long time. Usually black woman who look like me don’t engage in relationships like that,” she said. And then she giggled a lot.
Got that? Cole isn’t married and hasn’t been for some time, which means she’s probably some kind of spinster lesbo. Carroll, who is not a bad looking lady, believes she is simply not ugly enough to be gay.
Carroll also told a reporter from WOKV, “My husband and I have a very healthy and exciting relationship for 29 years and I don’t need to seek satisfaction anywhere else.”
Carroll’s ideas about lesbian relationships
So does Carroll think that same-sex relationships are just about sex? That the only reason a woman would stoop so low as to hook-up with another woman is because she’s tired of her boring hetero sex life?
Maybe this whole thing really is a big misunderstanding, like in that episode of the L Word where Bette is on her knees cleaning up a broken wine glass her drunk friend just dropped and when Jenny sees the two through the window it looks like Bette is face-to-face with her friend’s privates. Maybe Carroll is not the latest Republican to get caught gay-handed.
But it’s pretty clear that Carroll has some strange ideas about lesbians, and that she’s not above demeaning them in order to protest that she isn’t one.
*D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world she reviews rock ‘n’ roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister.