By: Lorelei Erisis*/TRT Columnist-
A quick note to my readers: The language and descriptions in this month’s column are of a pretty adult nature. There was no way to honestly answer this question otherwise, but I thought it was an important one.
I don’t want to fetishize anyone, but I am thoroughly intrigued and turned on by transgender porn! Now I know this is porn so it is not representative of real life. But I was under the impression from some people I know personally that transwomen think the idea of using their penis is completely repulsive. So what’s the deal?
I would never consider seeing a cisgendered guy again because every single one of them has f&$*#@d me over in one way or another. So no go there. I always thought a chick with a di@$ would be a great thing. BUT… then I came out as a lesbian and the militant lesbians I hung out with were pretty adamant about hating factory-installed penises, no matter who they were attached to. So … the thoughts were put on the farthest burner back that I could find.
I haven’t considered dating transwomen because of what I’ve been told, and because penises that don’t come in sparkly colors are “evil.”
So how many transwomen actually like using their di$#s? I have always liked di$#s, I just hated the jerks attached to them. I have to assume that transwomen are different because they have a whole different brain/gender configuration. With very few exceptions I have liked every transwoman that I have met. I’m confused. What’s the norm, if there is one?
I don’t know if I should be opening myself up to the possibility of dating transwomen or if I should just put the ideas on the back burner again.
HELP!!! I don’t know what to think or feel and what is real and fantasy.
So you want to know about “chicks with di$#s”! Cool. Basically speaking, it’s a shades-of-gray question.
While it is true that a great number of transwomen want nothing to do with their di$#s, it being a reminder of their gender difficulties, it is also quite true that there are some transwomen who, to varying degrees, are perfectly willing to acknowledge their di$#s. Even use them! Sort of.
As someone who has spent time in and around the fetish scene, I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with fetishes and particular preferences. Just so long as you’re able to remember that there are USUALLY flesh-and-blood people involved.
I like redheads and geekgirls, for instance! I think it’s similar really to having a preference for transpeople. The thing that makes the “tranny chasers” creepy and separates them from the “enthusiasts” is that they forget we are people and we have feelings beyond our transness.
However, I do know some transwomen who do use their di$#s. I have a very good friend who works as a adult film star. She is very much a woman and is married to another cisgender woman who also works in the adult film industry. They’re mad about each other and identify as lesbians, though they both have sex with men for adult productions. The ciswoman in the relationship absolutely raves about my friend’s di$k and it’s clear they make great use out of it!
As for myself, though, I may opt for full SRS eventually. I’m lucky enough to not have too many body issues outside of my basic gender “dysphoria.” I do have to point out that my di$k works quite differently now. As a result of the HRT, I do not necessarily attain an erection. At rest, my di$k is rather small and fits in my underwear somewhat more comfortably. When erect it returns to its full former size. Overall, I consider the changes to be an improvement. My whole body is a lot more sensitive. I have amazing orgasms that just go on and on! They spread throughout my body, rather than being focused in my di$k. It’s fantastic!
When I was still flooded with testosterone, a small breeze could sometimes be enough to inspire an erection. Now, well, I have to be having a really spectacular time! It’s been ages since I’ve used my di$k to have intercourse. Getting an erection and keeping it long enough to get a condom on is an issue. That may also have something to do with my very queer current definitions of “sex,” though. Using my di$k is much lower on my list of sexual priorities nowadays.
Nonetheless, oral sex usually gives me a rock hard erection still and I often find myself growing when I’m having a really hot time!
I know that some transwomen will use things like Viagra to help counter the effect of HRT. Or adjust their hormone levels. This is especially prevalent with those who work in the adult industry. I don’t judge this trick in the least, except to note that the side effects are not without risks. But then again, the same could and has been said about HRT itself.
I can’t really give you what the “norm” is. We are a sadly understudied sector of the population. But I can say from my experience that transwomen who like to use their di$ks are most certainly not unknown!
As for finding transwomen to date? Well, it’s the same old game as with anyone else: be ready to slog through the dating pool! Be as clear, honest and up-front as possible about what you’re looking for. And remember always, being trans is just a part of who we are. We are people first!
*Lorelei Erisis, former Miss Trans New England, can be contacted at: firstname.lastname@example.org.