By: Mikey Rox*/Special to TRT—
Hot horror movie villains are hard to come by—what with all the blood and guts that usually characterize those that terrorize—but there are a few smokin’ standouts in the genre. Settle in for a spookfest this Halloween with these sexy beasts that aim to keep us up at night—for more reasons than one.
Patrick Bateman, American Psycho
While Patrick Bateman’s morning exercise and beautification routine in the opening sequence was a tone-setting jumping off point for a film so narcissistic it hurt, it was the ménage-á-trois with two ill-fated hookers in which he admires his ample muscles in the mirror that solidified Christian Bale’s status as a sex symbol. And that all happens before he starts running through the hallways of his apartment building wielding a chainsaw with his naked manhood swaying to and fro. Because, ya know, build up.
Santanico Pandemonium, From Dusk Till Dawn
When your last name is Pandemonium, it’s only appropriate that you live up to that reputation. As vampire queen and main attraction at the Titty Twister strip club and brothel, Santanico (Salma Hayek) sinks her teeth into Richie Gecko just before being impaled by a chandelier herself. Bloodlust has never looked so alluring.
Billy Loomis, Scream
Billy Loomis (Skeet Ulrich) seemed like the perfect boyfriend on the surface—sexy, mysterious, brooding—until, of course, he started offing all his girlfriend Sidney’s (Neve Campbell) closest allies with the help of knife-happy bestie Stu (Matthew Lillard). As Dionne would say—that’s what friends are for.
David, The Lost Boys
If you were an ’80s baby, The Lost Boys was probably the first time you fell in love with Corey Haim and Jason Patric. But there was something about Keifer Sutherland’s vampire David that had a certain magnetism all its own. That undead-rebel-without-a-cause thing was totally in back then.
Charlie Venner, Straw Dogs
There are no redeemable qualities about psychopath Charlie Venner (Alexander Skarsgard), unless you count those steely blues eyes, sculpted pecs, masculine jaw, bulging biceps, pearly smile… oh, hell, just take me already.
David McCall, Fear
We’ve all had that one hookup who wouldn’t take the hint that we weren’t interested, yet he kept coming around and making trouble until somebody got hurt. No? Just me? Guess that wouldn’t be so embarrassing if mine looked more like Mark Wahlberg instead of the lost Wahlberg that nobody wants out of the house.
Jennifer Check, Jennifer’s Body
Popular cheerleader Jennifer Check (Megan Fox) is sacrificed by a local band in exchange for fame and fortune, but the ritual backfires and her body is inhabited by a demonic presence. So, naturally, she goes around eating all the boys in town between make-out seshes with her gal pal Needy (Amanda Seyfried). Typical Friday night.
Norman Bates, Psycho
Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins) has mommy issues. Like, committed matricide and hid her dead body in the basement kind of crazy. But that smile, dude; it’s water under the bridge with a flash of that grill. And, hey, maybe she deserved it. Yeah, let’s go with that. Just stay out of the shower.
Carrie White, Carrie
Shy, studious Carrie White just wanted to fit in, but her mother warned her: “They’re all gonna laugh at you.” But she got the last laugh at prom when, after they dumped pig’s blood on her as prom queen, she Burned. That. Bitch. Down. Mmmkay.
Charles Brady, Sleepwalkers
It may have a 15-percent rotten rating on Rotten Tomatoes, but Stephen King’s supernatural tale of werecats feeding on virgin women’s life forces is a speedy Sunday afternoon trashfest made better by Brian Krause’s turn as Charles Brady, a boy-next-door shapeshifting energy vampire… who’s deathly afraid of the puss-puss. So basically your life story.
Marybeth Louise Hutchinson, The Faculty
Queen alien chick disguised as an innocent Southern belle stands to satisfy all you lady lovers (there’s even a little skin to up the ante), while me and my bros can revel in the late-’90s man candy that is Josh Hartnett, Elijah Wood, Shawn Hatosy and Usher Raymond.
Another film about a seductress alien, and I’m sensing a pattern here: Where are the movies about Martian men built like brick you-know-whats? If you’re a feminist, you probably have a lot to say about this successful sci-fi thriller in which Sil (Natasha Henstridge) tries to mate with a bunch of unwilling (as if) guys and then black-widowing them for fun.
Jerry, Fright Night
Colin Farrell as a vampire. An autobiography.
*Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He splits his time between homes in New York City and the Jersey Shore with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.